So I got an interesting email from a student last night. It was sent to all students and teachers at the school from a senior who was obviously trying to have a little fun. I couldn't resist responding and the rest went from there as we wrote emails back and forth through the evening. Having a bit of creative fun like this is one of the many joys of teaching.
Hi Everyone,
I lost my tooth somewhere on the quad today when it came out of my mouth; its skinny and white and probably about one centimeter long. So if anyone sees a tooth laying in the middle of the quad and it looks like there's a chance it could be mine please give it to me or Mr. Regan; even though I have a replacement now that tooth still has a lot of sentimental value and it won't last long in this harsh climate. Also, I will be leading a search and rescue party onto the quad during A block if anyone would like to join.
Thanks,
Peter
Peter,
I noticed a scraping sound as I walked on the floor after arriving home today. Upon further inspection I found that there was a tooth stuck on the bottom of my shoe. While trying to pry it out with a butter knife the tooth popped out and made a direct trajectory for me eye. Luckily, I closed my eye just in time and it deflected off my eyelid into the sink where it tumbled down the drain. I removed the drain pipe, recovered the tooth, bathed it in mouthwash, and listed it on ebay as a "the cursed voodoo tooth of Gideon Frost." After 17 bids it is now up to 35.72 (2.99 for shipping which includes insurance and tracking). Feel free to bid! If you win I will just bring it to you in class and not charge you the shipping cost (but you won't get insurance or tracking for delivery). Sorry I didn't see your email earlier,
-Mr. Smith
That's quite a tale, I hope my tooth wasn't damaged in the process. I will bid, and I will put up two of my molars and my right canine tooth as collateral in case I am unable to pay. As long as you and your people are able to ensure the tooth will be delivered straight to me with a direct signature guarantee your terms are acceptable (you should know my tooth inspection specialist will be on hand to inspect said tooth, he's ex-KGB and knows my teeth well and will not take kindly to anyone attempting to make a quick profit on my "quad-tooth". just a heads up).
Ex-KGB tooth inspector? Must be Yuri. Yuri and I go way back and I would just love to see him show his face in my classroom. Back in '93 he stole a sack of teeth that I had been collecting from one of the ancient burial sites, known as kurgans, on the Kazakh steppe. The teeth were used by animistic shaman to predict the direction of water for the nomadic herders who had once wondered in that territory. Yuri swapped the teeth for fakes made from a chemical compound sensitive to radiation. I hadn't noticed the switch until I went through the metal detector at the airport and the teeth crumbled to dust. Yuri even had the gall to show up at the airport and smiled with his own golden chompers from the other side of the security area; I couldn't go back without loosing my ticket. He used the teeth to find an enormous undiscovered well and opened the first water park in Kazakhstan. He spent his fortune to come to the United States and put his KGB training to work in the Dental Protection Agency. The DPA now considers him a "rogue agent" and I wouldn't trust him with your precious "quad-tooth" or even a measly little baby tooth. Don't give him the combination to your tooth safe!
Happy bidding.
Obviously you have not yet perused the most recent edition of the Times of Central Asia, where Yuri's death in a parachuting accident was front-page news. Seems somebody switched his normal parachute with a paper mache one, perhaps in an ironic form of revenge for a previous switch? You didn't happen to take a trip to Central Asia over the long weekend, did you?
I was well aware of Yuri's suspicious background when I first hired him, but as long as I continued to chip and break teeth I knew I would keep him loyal. However, with his death, I have been forced to bring in his brother Leonid. His friends call him "the tooth phantom of Moscow" for his exceptional tooth thieving skills, his foes call him "the tooth fairy" for his love of wearing short, frilly dresses as he steals teeth, perhaps you have heard him called by this name. With the death of Yuri, Leonid is now number two on the DPA's most wanted list, right behind Ludvig the Many-Toothed (who once stole j. edgar hoover's right lateral incisor and bottom left first molar while he was flossing them!!).
Trust me, nobody but me has the combination, or even knows the location, of my tooth safe, and that is knowledge I will take with me to the grave!
P.S- I am trusting you with this information with the understanding that you will never report my toothing activities to the DPA. I don't care how many root canals they threaten to perform on you, never reveal what I have told you!!! With your semi "retirement" from the toothing industry after the unfortunate incident at the burial ground, I am now the last great hope of toothophiles. It would be a shame if the DPA were to uncover my toothing activities.
As a responsible teacher (and with great fear that our correspondence may be monitored by the DPA) I hope you are also completing your homework with the same zeal with which you protect your dental heritage.
I refuse to report on any recent travels to Central Asia so as to protect my identity. However, I did once create a small hot air balloon out of crepe paper and glue iin sixth grade science class.
I do recommend the services of Leonid but advise that you do not dare offer him any teeth with even the slightest doubt in origin or trace of decay.
Wait! I just noticed something. The current high bidder on your tooth has the username.....”YAlive.” His location is listed as Uzbekistan.
Hi Everyone,
I lost my tooth somewhere on the quad today when it came out of my mouth; its skinny and white and probably about one centimeter long. So if anyone sees a tooth laying in the middle of the quad and it looks like there's a chance it could be mine please give it to me or Mr. Regan; even though I have a replacement now that tooth still has a lot of sentimental value and it won't last long in this harsh climate. Also, I will be leading a search and rescue party onto the quad during A block if anyone would like to join.
Thanks,
Peter
Peter,
I noticed a scraping sound as I walked on the floor after arriving home today. Upon further inspection I found that there was a tooth stuck on the bottom of my shoe. While trying to pry it out with a butter knife the tooth popped out and made a direct trajectory for me eye. Luckily, I closed my eye just in time and it deflected off my eyelid into the sink where it tumbled down the drain. I removed the drain pipe, recovered the tooth, bathed it in mouthwash, and listed it on ebay as a "the cursed voodoo tooth of Gideon Frost." After 17 bids it is now up to 35.72 (2.99 for shipping which includes insurance and tracking). Feel free to bid! If you win I will just bring it to you in class and not charge you the shipping cost (but you won't get insurance or tracking for delivery). Sorry I didn't see your email earlier,
-Mr. Smith
That's quite a tale, I hope my tooth wasn't damaged in the process. I will bid, and I will put up two of my molars and my right canine tooth as collateral in case I am unable to pay. As long as you and your people are able to ensure the tooth will be delivered straight to me with a direct signature guarantee your terms are acceptable (you should know my tooth inspection specialist will be on hand to inspect said tooth, he's ex-KGB and knows my teeth well and will not take kindly to anyone attempting to make a quick profit on my "quad-tooth". just a heads up).
Ex-KGB tooth inspector? Must be Yuri. Yuri and I go way back and I would just love to see him show his face in my classroom. Back in '93 he stole a sack of teeth that I had been collecting from one of the ancient burial sites, known as kurgans, on the Kazakh steppe. The teeth were used by animistic shaman to predict the direction of water for the nomadic herders who had once wondered in that territory. Yuri swapped the teeth for fakes made from a chemical compound sensitive to radiation. I hadn't noticed the switch until I went through the metal detector at the airport and the teeth crumbled to dust. Yuri even had the gall to show up at the airport and smiled with his own golden chompers from the other side of the security area; I couldn't go back without loosing my ticket. He used the teeth to find an enormous undiscovered well and opened the first water park in Kazakhstan. He spent his fortune to come to the United States and put his KGB training to work in the Dental Protection Agency. The DPA now considers him a "rogue agent" and I wouldn't trust him with your precious "quad-tooth" or even a measly little baby tooth. Don't give him the combination to your tooth safe!
Happy bidding.
Obviously you have not yet perused the most recent edition of the Times of Central Asia, where Yuri's death in a parachuting accident was front-page news. Seems somebody switched his normal parachute with a paper mache one, perhaps in an ironic form of revenge for a previous switch? You didn't happen to take a trip to Central Asia over the long weekend, did you?
I was well aware of Yuri's suspicious background when I first hired him, but as long as I continued to chip and break teeth I knew I would keep him loyal. However, with his death, I have been forced to bring in his brother Leonid. His friends call him "the tooth phantom of Moscow" for his exceptional tooth thieving skills, his foes call him "the tooth fairy" for his love of wearing short, frilly dresses as he steals teeth, perhaps you have heard him called by this name. With the death of Yuri, Leonid is now number two on the DPA's most wanted list, right behind Ludvig the Many-Toothed (who once stole j. edgar hoover's right lateral incisor and bottom left first molar while he was flossing them!!).
Trust me, nobody but me has the combination, or even knows the location, of my tooth safe, and that is knowledge I will take with me to the grave!
P.S- I am trusting you with this information with the understanding that you will never report my toothing activities to the DPA. I don't care how many root canals they threaten to perform on you, never reveal what I have told you!!! With your semi "retirement" from the toothing industry after the unfortunate incident at the burial ground, I am now the last great hope of toothophiles. It would be a shame if the DPA were to uncover my toothing activities.
As a responsible teacher (and with great fear that our correspondence may be monitored by the DPA) I hope you are also completing your homework with the same zeal with which you protect your dental heritage.
I refuse to report on any recent travels to Central Asia so as to protect my identity. However, I did once create a small hot air balloon out of crepe paper and glue iin sixth grade science class.
I do recommend the services of Leonid but advise that you do not dare offer him any teeth with even the slightest doubt in origin or trace of decay.
Wait! I just noticed something. The current high bidder on your tooth has the username.....”YAlive.” His location is listed as Uzbekistan.
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